Thursday, June 30, 2011

The picture in my heart......and how my friends might have saved it!

Day Sixteen: I am grateful for my friends and those that have willingly come along side me. I covet their prayers, encouraging words and special gifts. One of the scariest parts of getting divorce is the fear of what others might think and who might leave your life....and the loneliness that will certainly accompany that reality. The loneliness definitely happens, it's almost always present, but I'm so grateful that my friends have not left and even more so, have been such a source of comfort and support. I realize many of them might not even agree with my decision, but they have still remained by my side. It's still embarrassing, it's still painful and it's definitely hard, but the prayers and support I have received has been priceless.....and my survivial.
      An amazing example of this kind of encouragement happened last night from an unlikely source. One of my girls from Mercy sent me a scripture that hit home and made me tear up with gratitude. Psalms 71:20-21 "You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to greater honor than before and comfort me once again." Isn't that beautiful? It's difficult for me to believe right now, but just reading it out loud helps me feel hopeful.
     Recently, I have noticed that I'm grieving the picture in my heart. The one that was buried so deep I barely knew it as there. It's the picture of me smiling (looking super thin, tan and next to my handsome husband who is holding our daugther while surrounded by Christmas lights and holly. Pride makes me want to laugh at myself and deny that this image ever exists, but truth knows it does....and that makes me sad....and that makes me feel I really missed out. But I've realized lately that my friends have help me to come up with a new picture, a new dream.
     It's really, really difficult to even try to think past tomorrow, but leaning on my friends faith and belief has actually helped me to believe it too. I think there's something to being vulnerable with your true feelings and allow the people who love you to speak into that vulnerability. Many times it seems as though its their faith that interjects truth into the lies and unbelief I struggle with everyday. I hate that I have to release my picture, but I know there will be another one (someday) even if I have to lean on my friends' beliefs that it can happen.

Read my Bible - 2 Kings 15:1-16:20, Acts 19:13-41, Psalm 147:1-20, Proverbs 18:4-5

Psalm 147:2, "The LORD is rebuilding Jerusalem and bringing the exiles back to Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. "

Worship - not yet

Work out - nope, but my ears got a workout today.

Do something for someone else - sent a card to a friend

Do something special for myself - took myself to the doctor

Cook - cheese and broccoli rice

Emotional state: excited

High point: therapy

Low point: it's raining

1 comment:

  1. Grieving the ideal, the dream is the hardest part of any kind of loss/hurt/betrayal in a relationhsip