sooooo.....i am attempting to write this blog from my new phone. although i have joined the ranks of modern technology, i can not for the life of me figure out how to captialize or puncuate anything. anywho....
no one ever told me this divorce stuff will hurt like hell. to be honest i might not understood or believe them, but now i know. even after a very brief convo with the ex i hung out with tears streaming down my face and what felt like the biggest hole in my heart. it was not him bascially making me out to be a monster or that he filled me in on his new updated life. but that he did not seem to miss me at all. it seemed in his mind i caused all the hurt and uproar. That I am the problem and need help, and while I can honestly say there are things that need to change in me, but how is one person responsible for a two person marriage.
No one told me that I would have conflicting emotions. My love for my ex still exists it's just clouded by everything else. And no one told me that when everyone says to release him there's a sting right in the middle of my heart. And no one told me that would still want the best for him even if that means at my own expense....and how crappy that feels.
Read my Bible: 2Kings 8:1-9:13, Acts 16:16-40, Psalm 143:1-12, Proverbs 17:26
Psalm 148:4-11, "I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. Come quickly, LORD, and answer me for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die. Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk for I give myself to you."
Worship: not yet
Exercise: LOTS of swimming and sunbathing
Something special for some yes: cooked dinner for my mom last night. Tomato sauce from scratch.
Something special for myself: took a nice, bubble bath
Highpoint: floating in the pool
Lowpoint: crying myself to sleep after a convo