Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Yeah! He's a Christian!...outside of the Bedroom: Are Faith and Character @ odds???

WARNING: I have absolutely NO idea how this blog will turn out! goes nothing.

Since the beginning of this year, while I have been full of hope and anticipation for 2014, I have also been as equally frustrated and sad about things going on around me, in my friends' and clients' lives. It has just seemed relationship after relationship has ended. Recently I have answered the phone numerous times to friends in the depths of pain while going through a divorce or friends devastated because they that found other their boyfriend or fiance' has been cheating.  What is going on???

My friend, Michelle, and I were discussing this while having the "Lighter fare," at Maggaino's (FYI...the lasagna and grilled eggplant are a no go). She, being married, and I, being divorce, just sat shaking our heads and asking a lot of questions about what makes a marriage/relationship work these days. Followed by a lot more questions like: "Do we just not value marriage anymore?" "Are we to selfish of a society, that when it no longer feels good to us, we quit?" "Where are the Christian men of character?" On and on we questioned and talked, questioned and hypothesized, questioned and sighed.

(We laugh too! lol...cuz you know me...and I have stories. Everything from men I have never met chewing me out because I haven't emailed or texted back by a certain time to the sweet, Oh I just really wish I could like you, guy. I have been sang to in another language, had my ear talked off about cars, asked if I could walk myself to my car {dark parking garage and all}, and told, "you are obviously a very submissive woman." LOL But I have also experienced, genuine, nice, charming men who were attentive, pulled out my chair for me, sent flowers, complimented me on things OTHER then my appearance...etc.) 

I think what was more perplexing was realizing that we use to (not to long ago) think that meeting a believer, especially someone raised "like us", somehow guaranteed, not necessarily always a blissful marriage, but at the very least two people who wanted to work at it. Now that idea sounds preposterous and flaky!!! ("Just because he's a Christian? Oh please!!! They are some of the worse." - friend of mine) And it  seems that's statically the truth with divorce being higher in the church then in the world. Plus not to mention recent dating experiences of mine and those of my friends.

I was also telling Michelle that it has been disheartening to have gone out with a few spirit filled, strong believers (on paper) and they proved to have had the most "loose" boundaries I have ever encountered on a first, second, even third date. In fact, it seemed, lately, that the men who might be questioning their faith, searching for the truth, or believe in God but haven't found a church showed more respect for me and my boundaries, then all of the "Church-going, spirit-filled, Bible-believing Christian" dudes combined (reminder: this is lately). What is that about???? In fact the aforementioned guys treated me like gold, while the latter made me feel like an "option."

To be's incredibly embarrassing to admit I have felt more honored, respected and pursued by unbelievers then "Christian men." It's frustrating and confusing to feel so admired for my faith and accomplishments by men with a less than stellar church attendance record. To feel that know the one (girls)...where you feel sexy and beautiful but it's complimented with ease and respect by a man not on your bible study speed dial. Even more frustrating to hear my Christian (male) friends say they dont' find quailty women or there are no available women...and then to all the above mention frustrations for quality, beautiful, Godly women.

Granted I am perfectly willing to say that this is just my streak of luck...if I hadn't had similar conversations with friends before AND after my lunch with Michelle. And if I hadn't met GREAT men, just not quite...well ya know! So what is it? What is going on? Is it just here in CO? My hunch is that it's probably not! So...what?

I honestly think a lot of has to do with character. That when you boil it down...some of the guys had strong character while others did not...Christian, non-believers or somewhere in between...character or the lack of character showed up pretty darn fast. Character is always a hard one to determine right off the bat, in fact, most of the time you can't. It takes time to really see it.  And I know character is not gender specific. That you have to be one of character to attract someone of character....but then there is the question of why does faith and character NOT seem to be hand and hand lately?

I'm sure I will be writing more about this later.