Friday, October 24, 2014

I wish I could be a creeper?

Okay not really...but today I didn't have to go into the office till later in the day, so I found myself doing things around the house. Allie (my roommate's dog) started barking so I walked over to the kitchen window, that faces the backyard, to see what she was going on about...and there was my elderly neighbor.

He was clapping his hands, encouraging the puppies (Allie and Sapulpa) to chase the beautiful waterfall of leaves falling from the huge oak in my back yard. The puppies were running like crazy trying to chase and catch the gold and red leaves as they flittered to the ground. My elderly neighbor watched, smiling....seemingly sooo happy.

I then watched him turn and walked back into his house. Within a few seconds he returned outside with a basket of laundry....He began to engage in the activities I have seen many times for the last couple of months. He put his laundry out on the line....checked his little garden...walked around the yard (looking for I don't know what)...

And I found myself mesmerized....."I wonder what his life is about? I wonder what keeps him going? Does he have people in his life? I bet he has a really good story?"

He is far from the age where things physically come easy. When he bends or is with great effort and slow, always intentional. I see him doing the same things almost everyday.

I think I was mesmerized because I was baffled yet intrigued how he, even in his later life,  seems to live a life that gets him up everyday. Doing laundry, gardening, etc...can't be enough to wake up to every day...can it?

What gives him hope.... joy?....What emotion or truth gets him out of bed everyday?

So I walked outside...and said hello.

He is a sweet old man that told me he is a widow. He also told me I needed to rake the leaves in my He told him he's been retired for 20+ years and his kids live close. He told me he is annoyed about the infestation of rabbits that eat his garden.

He was kind, funny...genuine. yet somehow I really believe deeply aware of the life he was living. And that got me thinking....are we...those of us trying to "create" a life....aware of the kind of life we are trying to live?  Do we want to make a mark? Do we not care? Are we striving for success? Or just trying to be noticed?

Are we living?.....or just waiting for someone to notice us? Why is it some of the the most famous, successful people are scrabbling and dying to be scene...and we give them days of headlines, tv and social media .... yet some of the most generous, inspiring, heart warming, lovely people in life.... just do laundry and live out their days...nothing great but tremendously impactful...but hardly noticed.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Yeah! He's a Christian!...outside of the Bedroom: Are Faith and Character @ odds???

WARNING: I have absolutely NO idea how this blog will turn out! goes nothing.

Since the beginning of this year, while I have been full of hope and anticipation for 2014, I have also been as equally frustrated and sad about things going on around me, in my friends' and clients' lives. It has just seemed relationship after relationship has ended. Recently I have answered the phone numerous times to friends in the depths of pain while going through a divorce or friends devastated because they that found other their boyfriend or fiance' has been cheating.  What is going on???

My friend, Michelle, and I were discussing this while having the "Lighter fare," at Maggaino's (FYI...the lasagna and grilled eggplant are a no go). She, being married, and I, being divorce, just sat shaking our heads and asking a lot of questions about what makes a marriage/relationship work these days. Followed by a lot more questions like: "Do we just not value marriage anymore?" "Are we to selfish of a society, that when it no longer feels good to us, we quit?" "Where are the Christian men of character?" On and on we questioned and talked, questioned and hypothesized, questioned and sighed.

(We laugh too! lol...cuz you know me...and I have stories. Everything from men I have never met chewing me out because I haven't emailed or texted back by a certain time to the sweet, Oh I just really wish I could like you, guy. I have been sang to in another language, had my ear talked off about cars, asked if I could walk myself to my car {dark parking garage and all}, and told, "you are obviously a very submissive woman." LOL But I have also experienced, genuine, nice, charming men who were attentive, pulled out my chair for me, sent flowers, complimented me on things OTHER then my appearance...etc.) 

I think what was more perplexing was realizing that we use to (not to long ago) think that meeting a believer, especially someone raised "like us", somehow guaranteed, not necessarily always a blissful marriage, but at the very least two people who wanted to work at it. Now that idea sounds preposterous and flaky!!! ("Just because he's a Christian? Oh please!!! They are some of the worse." - friend of mine) And it  seems that's statically the truth with divorce being higher in the church then in the world. Plus not to mention recent dating experiences of mine and those of my friends.

I was also telling Michelle that it has been disheartening to have gone out with a few spirit filled, strong believers (on paper) and they proved to have had the most "loose" boundaries I have ever encountered on a first, second, even third date. In fact, it seemed, lately, that the men who might be questioning their faith, searching for the truth, or believe in God but haven't found a church showed more respect for me and my boundaries, then all of the "Church-going, spirit-filled, Bible-believing Christian" dudes combined (reminder: this is lately). What is that about???? In fact the aforementioned guys treated me like gold, while the latter made me feel like an "option."

To be's incredibly embarrassing to admit I have felt more honored, respected and pursued by unbelievers then "Christian men." It's frustrating and confusing to feel so admired for my faith and accomplishments by men with a less than stellar church attendance record. To feel that know the one (girls)...where you feel sexy and beautiful but it's complimented with ease and respect by a man not on your bible study speed dial. Even more frustrating to hear my Christian (male) friends say they dont' find quailty women or there are no available women...and then to all the above mention frustrations for quality, beautiful, Godly women.

Granted I am perfectly willing to say that this is just my streak of luck...if I hadn't had similar conversations with friends before AND after my lunch with Michelle. And if I hadn't met GREAT men, just not quite...well ya know! So what is it? What is going on? Is it just here in CO? My hunch is that it's probably not! So...what?

I honestly think a lot of has to do with character. That when you boil it down...some of the guys had strong character while others did not...Christian, non-believers or somewhere in between...character or the lack of character showed up pretty darn fast. Character is always a hard one to determine right off the bat, in fact, most of the time you can't. It takes time to really see it.  And I know character is not gender specific. That you have to be one of character to attract someone of character....but then there is the question of why does faith and character NOT seem to be hand and hand lately?

I'm sure I will be writing more about this later. 

Thursday, January 23, 2014

DATING and the Broken Road ahead!!!!

"You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again." - Psalms 71:20-21

I posted these verses once before....WAY back in the day...but in light of some recent conversations and knowing what a few of my friends are going through...I felt it important to post it once again!

NOW for the blog!!!!

I didn't realize it has been 5 months since my last blog. I guess one could look at that as progress? Or no progress? Or somewhere inbetween? Honestly, I have no idea.

BUT that has given me 5 months to report on the dating scene. OH THE DATING SCENE. Lets see...I have been out with men that I am confused how we ended up on a date; pursued by men that dont get a hint; flash pan encounters that seemed so encouraging but ended up ending as qucikly at they started; and then the good guys that I just WISH there was a spark but nothing.

How do I stay encouraged???? How do I believe that God has someone for me in light of an ocean of ridculous encounters, endless text messages, blind dates, first dates, great dates with no hope, emotionally unavailable men, and men that just want a buddy (I dont camp!!!!). How do I? Because I have found a spark of hope...and believe me that spark was not present for years!

I found that hope in the belief of my my family. I found the hope in changing my prespective...and I found the spark when I realized that God is MY father. Just like my earthly father, my HEAVENLY father wants to fulfill the desires of my heart. I know for a fact my dad prays for me daily. I know he has a vision and hope for my life. I know one of his desires is to see me happy and prosperous...and having little grandbaby girls (dont tell anyone ;)) The Bible asks, "how much more does our HEAVENLY father want to see us happy then our earthly father" (my lame mans paraphrase...obviously).

Getting to this place is not easy....and it is NOT attached to another relationship, a new adventure or a moment of reprieve. The spark of hope is from a really deep, true understanding that you deserve God's best...and HE WANTS THAT FOR YOU!!!! I did some of that by FLOODING myself with uplifting messages (love Kris Valloton), HS worship (Kim Walker-Smith), or even worldly avenues like "The Secret" (positive thinking, Law of Attraction).

TO be honest...that isn't easy or natural for me...but once I felt that spark (all Holy Spirit oriented) at the beginning of this year I have fought to keep it. I have listened to sermons of hope and fulfilling dreams, to positive oriented situations, seeking out my friends and families that are believing for me, reading books about it, etc. A lot of this is because I FINALLY believe it! I believe I can have it...and of course saying that...putting me out there...I fight the cringe of "what if"...but that is only a result of what I have been through.

I know I deserve God's best...and when my family and friends...tell me I am the whole package..I want to believe, SO I finally CHOSE to believe it..... then that means I accept that...and If I choose to embrace that I feel a tremendous amount of humility and responsibilitiy. I want to be that woman...and that means anyone that comes along my path...GREAT or not....I treat as though they are what? A step along the way? A direction sign that tells me to stop, go forward, you can get there from here but it will take you longer? I THINK its a lot like the Rascal Flatts song, "Every long long dream lead me to where you are. Others who have broke my heart they were like Northern stars pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true...that God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to YOU!'