Monday, June 27, 2011


Day Thirteen:

Lately, judgement has been ever present in my forethought. It seems everyone, everywhere has an opinion or thought about my "current situation." But hardest part of all is the realization of how much I have judged myself. For instance, my most recent thoughts include "how could you not see this coming," "what's wrong with you," "this has to be your fault." The funnier side of my judgement towards myself involves looking down at my ring finger, freaking for a second because I don't see my beautiful engagement ring, and then for a split second think, "Brooke, you dummy you forgot your ring." Then I quickly remember and think, "Brooke don't be so stupid, remember what's going on!" lol The judgement never ends.
       The other side of judging includes the number of times I have past judgement on my friends, family members and even the occasional perfect stranger without even realizing what I was doing. As though I'm God, as though I have an idea of the struggle they are going through or the reasoning for arriving to their decisions. Everyone has reasons and everyones' struggle is different. I, now, realize it's never my place to decide what they should have or shouldn't have done...what was the Godly choice and what wasn't. The craziest thing about even thinking that way, is 10 times out of 10 I don't even know all the details. I have no idea what's going on behind close doors, in the thoughts of others or the Oh that's the worse part, playing God.
Who am I to ever sit in the judgement seat. God speaks very strongly about what will happen to those that judge others. When I reflect back on my situation and think about all the reasons, and some just plain emotional, that lead me to my decision there's nothing but murky waters, hard struggles and gray areas. There is no black and white, right and wrong. I'm not saying that God doesn't have absolute, because He absolutely does, but to decide how He would look at me through my divorce is both unfair for me to decide and thus unfair for anyone else to decide.
I know that God hates divorce. I, also, know that He's near those that are going through heartbreak. He comforts those in need. So if He, the God of the universe and our lives, can comfort and be near those that have even willingly walked towards pain, who are we to ever decide what's best!
      I am incredibly regretful for those that I have ever judged or thought I knew best. My heart is softened towards those heartbroken and unlovely. But most of all, I'm no longer going to sit in the seat of judgement over my own life. I love that I don't have the responsibility for deciding what is ultimately seen right or wrong in the eyes of God.

PS...regardless of everything I've said above...I think Bentley is a horrible person! Cheers!

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