How do I love correctly when my heart is breaking? Such conflicting emotions. Such hard decisions to make. Everyday seems to be rough waters and even though I haven't been drowning for to long... but it feels long enough. It feels almost impossible to be the Godly woman I know I am (and want to be) when I feel like I'm buried in anger and confusion.
How do I love correctly when it seems that friends find it hard to understand this process and want me to act like my old self. Or when I get conflicting opinions about my actions? I love my friends and I want them to be happy and fulfilled, to never go through this darkness. With that said, I'm also grateful for the friends and family that have been a strong support system to me. Am I loving them correctly though?
How do I love correctly when I just want to be so selfish? It's difficult to not be selfish right now, to not want to focus just on me even though I know how many hurt right now. Not to mention that I know my ex is just as vulnerable and broken as I am, so I phase in and out of guilt, anger, shame and peace when I think I could care less about his pain....but I know I do care, and will probably always hope the best for him. How do I love correctly through this?
Daily Survival Plan:
Read my Bible - 2 Kings 1:1-2:25, Acts 13:42-14:7, Psalm 139:1-24, Proverbs 17:19-21
Psalms 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life."
Worship - prayed, prayed, prayed, and will listen to worship music tonight
Work out - nope, planning to go in the morning (we'll see how that goes)
Do something for someone else - well I'm hoping I helped one of my teens discover a root issue...she seemed to be get it! But you just never know...lol
Do something special for myself - downloaded a new book to my Kindle
Cook - nope, bought dinner from Whole Foods
Emotional state: frustrated
High point: texts of encouragement from a friend and packing for my trip to Tejas!
Low point: had a conversation with a love one that just left me confused and frustrated.