Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Good Grief

Well my recent reality has been...not to good lately. I don't want this to be a depressing post...but, uh probably will

Ever heard of the 7 stages of grief (shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance/hope)? We usually experience these stages after a death or extreme loss. The theory was introduced by Kubler-Ross in 1969 in her book "Death and Dying." The idea was that everyone, after experiencing tragic loss such as terminal illness and death, experienced five distinct stages of grieving through their reality. Since then the model has been modified slightly and adapted to include other types of immense loss such as divorce.

In my case...I am definitely in the depression/pain and sorrow stage...and the thing I HATE about that is that all the information out there says it's more important to experience all and go through all the feelings involved in this stage. In fact, they say it's HEALTHY. Motherless goat! Ugh, and because although I want to escape the feelings more than anything I want to do this season correctly (and well)....and sooooo I have felt everything....sadness, depression, pain, hopelessness and fear...then back to sadness. It comes in waves...but the worse is hopelessness.

The silver lining is that I'm a step closer to the final stage - acceptance and hope...but dear Lord are you SERIOUS? It feels as though this stage will never end or that I might not survive it (end up catatonic). However trying to sit and wait through this season I've noticed a few ugly things about seems in the past in order to go through (or not go through) this stage quickly...I simply move to the next thing. The next degree, next job, next opportunity...looking for a way to distract myself...convinced I'm moving forward but really I running away. This wasn't for every case...but there have definitely been more then I want to actually admit. And in most of those cases I ended up creating more drama for myself...then moving into a place of peace or growth.

I DO find hope in those that have press through this stage and come out on the other side. It's so hard to trust their words. To believe that although it happened for them it could happen for me...but in the words of my brother, "If God did it once He can do it again, and even if He hadn't He could do it anyway...but He has and will." So maybe once I enter into the last stage...I can see a hopeful future?

Here's to....I don't know...Good Grief. Cheers

1 comment:

  1. I can tell you from experience that there is something powerful about non-judgmentally being present with your own sadness/depression. I spent my whole life as a kid who grew up word of faith trying to fight "the flesh". The most liberating thing I've experienced in my recent past is giving myself permission to just feel what I feel and keep moving through the experience. There's a HUGE amount of trust/faith involved. Faith in your own ability to process, cope and move on. But you can and you will.