Reflections and Resolutions
I realize there are probably thousands of new posts going up, at this very moment, about resolutions for the New Year or reflections of the past one. And honestly, while I loath being a cliche' I simply could not resist the opportunity to do some reflecting and "resoluting" myself.
2011 was....well...there were parts that I remember as fun and enjoyable; some sad and full of heartbreak; a few moments were hard and exhausting; while others were just plain forgettable. It's amazing for me to remember that this time last year I was looking for a house and planning a family. Somewhere in between I moved out, moved home and began the journey back to myself. Evenmoreso...I started a journey towards renovation and transformation (hopefully...knock on wood).
Frankly, 2011 was probably the hardest year of my life. There were moments I felt as though I've was repeatedly hit over the head and now reflect on 2011 with a bit fuzziness. With THAT said...I'm grateful I learned a lot about myself. I'm, also, grateful that I have learned who my real friends are, and for the reforged relationship with my family. I'm, also, even grateful that I adopted my spunky, crazy puppy and welcomed a new nephew....all in 2011.
But who would have thought I'd be here....after months of feeling utterly ruined and shattered, I'm looking (once again) for new beginnings. I have the same usual resolutions...lose 10lbs, organize my apartment, develop professionally.....but for once....I want....no, I NEED my goals to carry me to a different level of myself...transformation....an all encompassing overhaul. I guess to a new place where I hope to not even recognize myself a year from now. And you know what??? That's freaking scary.
What if I don't succeed? What if transforming is more painful then what I've already been through? What if success looks an awful lot like some of my deepest fears? Alone, struggling, floundering.....yet WHAT IF....everything is different? What if wholeness and healing are on the other side? What if I wake up a dormant part of myself that I never knew was there?
I am tired of not setting goals because I'm afraid I won't reach them.....or worse just give up because I'm bored or unmotivated. I would say 2011 has taught me that I need people, I need support and absolutely know I'm stronger than I ever thought possible. So for 2012 my goals will include emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health.
"Ruin is a gift! Ruin is the road to transformation." - Liz Gilbert "Eat, Pray, Love"
Cheers...here's to 2011 reflections and 2012 resolutions!