Day 40
"Only love heals. Anger, guilt, and fear can only destroy and separate you from your true self." - Ever: Immortals, by Alyson Noel.
Today, I was in a sort of "zen" place...a place of contentment and peace. I'm not sure what lead to it other than honestly I'm just so tired of feeling like an emotional hostage in my life. I have moments of feeling alone, down and rejected....but I am tired of waddling in those feelings. Today I just focused inward (not to sounds so Oprah). Enjoying the day, enjoying things...a little to much sun and little to much spending...but it was fun and I will go to bed feeling happy.
It's hard to let go and it's even harder to accept the reality of where life is at for me right now....in some ways I think it's even harder to just stall and idle in the negative emotions...almost punishing myself for being here. I realize moving on involves dealing with the complex state of the soul (especially when grieving) but I noticed...when I allow myself to feel all the crap it's almost easier to move on and focus on better things (even when some of the crap happens regularly, and at the hand of people who "should" know better).
So what is this blog all about....well....I think "focus." And believe me I know that I have talked about this before, but really where our treasure is, there our heart will be also. Or in different terms....we move towards what we focus on. And today, I wanted to focus on what makes life good..whether that's with someone or without them. That actually reminds me of the scene in "Eat, Pray, Love," where Liz Gilbert is venting to her friend, realizing "I haven't given myself a second to be with myself." And not to sound like selfishness on steroids...but liking/loving myself seems a lot more important these days...since I'll be with myself more often now. lol
My Survival Plan
Read my Bible - 2 Chronicles 11:1-13:22, Romans 8:26-39, Psalm 18:37-50, Proverbs 19:27-295
Romans 8:26, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what GOD wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."
Worship - yes
Work out - 1 hr....feels great
Do something for someone else - bought a birthday card and gift
Do something for myself - laid out in the sun and spent a little more money then I should
Eat well - Ramen noodles..not sure if this means eating well...but yummy MSG
Emotional state: content
High point: listened to my brother describe my oldest nephews 5 minute prayers. "LORD, thank you for peanut butter and jelly. I love that. And God thank you for my scooter. I love my scooter." lol so precious
Low point: sunburned...yuck
Tip of the day: trust your gut.
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